Is your Inner-Child Protector Part Holding You Back?

It was a chilly Thursday morning in January. It surprised me how quickly my inner-child protector part showed up, trying to hold me back.

One moment, I was sitting at my desk in a morning workshop over Zoom with a well-known Christian life coach, sipping a cozy cup of green tea, taking notes like I always do—highlighting phrases, underlining what felt important, letting the teaching wash over me.

And the next moment, something stirred in me so suddenly it felt like a wave.

Desire.

Not a subtle idea. Not a “maybe someday.” A real surge of longing that rose up from somewhere deep—so deep, I almost forgot it was there.

And almost immediately, right on the heels of that desire, came the fear.

It was like my body said, Wait…what is this? My nervous system tightened, bracing for impact, as if my wanting something again might be too dangerous. And then I did what I’ve trained myself to do for years: I shifted into overthinking—trying to figure it all out right then and there.

It made no sense and perfect sense at the same time.

Because I’ve learned this about myself: when you’ve lived a long time in survival mode—scanning the environment for danger, trying to stay invisible and small—your dreams don’t disappear.

They just go quiet.

They wait.

They settle down somewhere inside you like seeds waiting for the right season.

And in that workshop, in that moment, it felt like one of those seeds cracked open.

I felt a surge of desire to make a greater impact on women’s lives—to help them heal, grow, and step into wholeness and all God has for them.

And the desire felt sacred.

But it also felt terrifying.

Because I didn’t just feel the longing. I felt the memory of what longing once cost me.

A part of me remembered exhaustion.
A part of me remembered burnout.
A part of me remembered what it felt like to be stretched beyond my capacity.

So, the inner-child protector part of me did what our protector parts do.

It tried to shut it down.

Desire is a gift. Fear is a protector.

Here’s what I’m learning:

Desire is a gift from God. It points to what wants creative expression in my life. It reveals what matters to me. It whispers, there is more for you to be, do, and have.

We tend to think fear is the enemy.

But fear is often an indication of an inner-child protector—a fierce part of ourselves whose role is to keep us safe.

The inner-child protector part is the part of us that scans the horizon for danger and asks, “If we put ourselves out there, will we burn out again?” If we step out, will we lose ourselves? If we become visible, will we pay a price we can’t afford?

This inner-child protector part isn’t trying to ruin your life.

She’s trying to keep you safe.

And sometimes, when you’ve had seasons where safety felt nonexistent—when your body carried an abundance of internal stress, when your mind went into overthinking mode trying to figure everything out—this protector part of us becomes fierce.

It becomes vigilant.
It becomes convincing.
It becomes ferocious.

That’s why so many of us do this strange thing: we pray for God to give us desires, and then when the desire arrives…we panic. One way that shows up for women is overthinking. It’s our inner-child protector part trying to keep us safe.

We feel the inspiration. Then resistance kicks in.

And we don’t know what to do with that combination.

So we either push the desire away or clamp down on ourselves in a rush. We slip into “I have to figure this out today” energy, which is the energy of our inner-child protector part.

And that’s exactly what I felt in those first moments of the workshop—as if God was stirring something in me, and I needed to have a plan to figure it all out right now. I needed to know what it would look like. I needed to know how it would happen. I needed to know how to do it “right.”

But that’s not how God leads.

God doesn’t bully us into action.

He invites.

He doesn’t push us into overthinking mode.

He draws us with peace.

The most eye-opening realization I had was this:

If the desire is from God, it will come with grace for the season I’m in.

God will not require me to become someone else to obey Him.
He will not demand that I override my limits.
He will not ask me to sacrifice my nervous system on the altar of “calling.”

If the desire is a nudge from God, it will be the kind of nudge that makes room for breath and blossoms at its own pace.

It will include wisdom.
It will include peace.
It will include rest.

Urgency isn’t from God. That frantic, racing energy that says hurry, figure it out, prove it—that energy has never produced good fruit in my life. Urgency has never led me into the will of God.

The only thing an urgency mindset has ever produced in me is shutdown—sometimes in the form of brain fog, sometimes in the form of adrenal fatigue. It yanks me right back into survival mode.

So I decided, right there in that moment, to do something different.

Instead of wrestling with the desire or shaming myself for the resistance, I practiced compassion for both parts of me: the inspired part and the protector part.

I pulled out my journal and wrote:

Okay, desire… I see you.
And okay, fear… I see you too.
You both get to be here.

And do you know what emerged?

Clarity.

Here’s how God showed me how I could make a greater impact on women’s lives all over the world: through my writing.

I suddenly felt compelled to write a new book. But this time, in a different genre. I felt called to write about the things that are difficult to talk about publicly: healing childhood trauma, living with the consequences of early attachment wounds, and how the grace of God has delivered me from trauma-thinking patterns—so I could go on to rewire my brain, cultivate nervous system regulation, create moments of bliss every day, and live a life of creative expression.

And that’s why my protector showed up. This is a new genre for me. I’ve never shared this part of myself publicly. So, naturally, an alarm went off inside, and my protector came to the rescue.

I had to remind myself that I can pursue my desires from a place of inspiration, at my own pace—without adrenal exhaustion.

The Practice: Desire Without Urgency

This is the practice I want to offer you. It’s simple, powerful, and it is a loving form of self-care.

I call it: Desire without urgency.

It’s where you move toward your dreams at a pace your nervous system can handle. That way, the inner-child protector part of me doesn’t need to step in and shut it down. It’s a way to pursue big goals without burning out, getting overwhelmed, or shutting down.

It’s two sentences in your journal.

Step 1: Write the desire.

Don’t censor it. Don’t make it “reasonable.” Don’t shrink it so it feels safer.

Just tell the truth.

“The desire that keeps returning is…”

Let it come from your heart, not your head.

Step 2: Write the safest next 1% step.

Not the whole plan.
Not the big leap.
Not the version that makes you spiral.

Just the next 1%.

“The safest next 1% step (aka a baby step) I can take is…”

The next 1% step might look like:

• Write one page in your journal about what you feel called toward
• Pray one honest prayer: “God, if this is You, lead me gently,” and then let it go
• Send a message to someone you trust, saying “Something is stirring in me… what are your thoughts?”
• Read one chapter of a book that nourishes the calling
• Take a quiet walk and let your body feel into the desire
• Create a tiny container: 30 minutes on your calendar labeled “Dream with God”

The 1% step should not trigger an alarm or send your nervous system into fight-or-flight.

It should signal safety to your inner-child protector part: We can handle this.

It should feel like inspiration, not pressure.

And here’s the beautiful part:

Baby steps can get you there faster and without burnout.

In fact, baby steps are often the most obedient steps.

Because baby steps are sustainable.

A Word to Your Inner-Child Protector Part

If desire has returned for you, too—if you feel something calling you forward, and it scares you—please hear this:

You are not failing because you feel afraid.

You are not “less spiritual” because you feel resistance.

Fear is not proof you’re off track.

Fear is often proof that something meaningful is waking up.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. That fear has an important message for you.

The goal is to stay present with fear, and check in with it: What would make you feel safe if we move forward with this?

And the goal—the beginning of integration and wholeness—is to let fear stay in the car without letting it control the steering wheel.

A Prayer to Steward Desire Well

God, thank You for the desires You place in my heart.
Thank You that desire can be a holy signal.
And thank You for the parts of me that have tried to keep me safe.
Help me hold both with compassion.
If this desire is from You, lead me with peace so I know it’s You.
Show me the next 1% step.
Give me the grace to move slowly so I don’t get triggered.
Amen.

Journal prompts

1. What desire keeps returning?
2. What am I afraid it will cost me?
3. What’s my “baby step-yes”?

A small step for today

Write these two sentences in your journal:

1. “The desire that keeps returning is…”
2. “The safest next 1% (baby) step I can take is…”

Then take one slow breath and remind yourself:

God is not in a hurry.

He can hold the pace that feels safest to your nervous system, and it won’t trigger your inner-child protector part.

Be blessed, my friend. God’s got you!

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